It's been an odd start to the week in terms of events and emotions, which for me started on Tuesday with my old friends funeral. Clearly a sad event made more so by the very poignant choice of music by his three children and their heartfelt little poems in tribute to their dad. It was a bright sunny day to start and the Chapel was full with his many friends, acquaintances, work colleagues and family each in their own way remembering the many happy things about David. I will miss the many jokes we shared and the lectures I gave him and the often sound advice he gave me in return, we never fell out.
The remaining week was full of less important things yet I found myself embroiled in the usual events ranging from queue jumping, the store detective who always seem to follow me around when he should be looking for the real dodgy shoppers and of course the TV show “Strictly Come Dancing” (aka “Dancing with the Stars” in America) that cause me to rant in my blog here.
QUEUE JUMPERS
Picture this, you have just joined the end of a rather long and slow moving queue in any one of the coffee outlets, Costas, Starbucks and dear old Marks and Spencer (M&S), when a couple join behind you and immediately spot a vacant table in the seating area. The male member of this duo is the one that then sends his dutiful female partner to occupy this table thus preventing you from sitting there once you have collected your coffee. Now this makes my blood boil because they may as well have simply walked into the place and stepped in front of you to order their lattes and Americanos and jumped the queue. Now I think they send the female because she is unlikely to be challenged by anyone as she sits primly waiting for her coffee to arrive. The most irritating place for this practice of queue jumping is in M&S where it is performed with such openness that M&S now try (not very well as it happens) to police the queue or tables that are occupied by a lone person. I confess that in once nearly came to blows with an oaf behind me sent his wife off to sit at the only available table in the cafeteria that was unoccupied and just as we were about to collect our coffees and sit down. “So, why not just go ahead and jump the queue” I asked to which he replied “so what” ….. it was at this point that “mild mannered Clark Kent”, went white with range and the fight bit beat the flight bit to my brain. Only the timely intervention of Mrs H tugging firmly at my sleeve prevented bloodshed but just who's blood we cannot be sure!
To conclude, “queue jumpers” of the world please give some thought to the actions you take, if you only waited to be served and then went to find a table you would have no trouble at all because of that magic word “turnover” …. yes, a table would have become free! Queue jumping is not only ignorant, ill mannered and selfish, it is just NOT British!
DRAMA ON THE HIGH STREET
Strolling though the busy Southsea branch of John Lewis my attention was drawn to the rather flamboyant if rather slightly dumpy young woman with very long and wild jet black hair, black clothes and acid lemon coloured tights who was browsing the jewellery counter. I soon lost any further interest in her as I was heading to the menswear department to have the electronic tag surgically removed from the new sweater I had bought the previous day in the stores Southampton branch and although not removed had not sounded alarms as I left the building! Anyway, the staff in Southsea had enormous difficulty removing the tag so they called for the stores “odd job man” or more likely their head of maintenance who was asked to assist and promptly disappeared for 10 minutes to no doubt use a hacksaw to get the flaming thing off. It was during this spell of hanging about looking suspicious and carrying an empty John Lewis carrier bag that I noticed the acid lemon legs flashing by me followed closely by a male companion who was hurriedly hanging up a shirt on a nearby rack. They left the shop closely pursued by the store detective, who in my opinion is far to short and overweight to be a threat to any would be shoplifter. That was the end to that I thought, shirt not stolen and potential thieves scared off and it was with this in mind that we left the store to head for a coffee (and some queue jumping no doubt). Only two minutes outside the shop and there was an almighty crash as the male member of the thwarted “gang of two” sent some tables and chairs outside a cafe in all directions as he fled the grasp of the diminutive store detective plus another much younger an more agile one from another store in hot pursuit. Well the stumpy one gave up the run and came gasping back to make an “arrest” of the lemon legged accomplice which should have been the easy bit... this was not to be the case!
Picture this, short fat store detective grabs lemon legs by the arm, “you're under arrest” he gasps, she shrieks “what for, gerrof me, I aint done nuffin, (screams loudly) , help, get 'im orf me I'm pregnant” .. well, the throngs of shoppers came to a stand still as the store detective grappled none to successfully with lemon legs who was making a dash to a parked car. Now at this point I thought I can see her getting away from him, I think I will go an help him. But, at this stage two women shoppers rush to his aid... NO!!! They break his grip on lemon legs who escapes swiftly escapes to her car, store detective breaks free of misguided dogooders and manages to get to the getaway car before lemon legs runs down 20 shoppers in her efforts to escape. By this time the second store detective has returned from his pursuit (without the male) and snatches the keys from the car .. excellent, its all over? No, because now enters the father of a young boy who had been caught with a blow in the face during the initial attempt to arrest the male at the cafe earlier. The new entrant to this farce now grabs the hapless store detective by the neck and once more nearly allows lemon legs to escape – I have surely had enough by this time and without thinking that I may end up on the wrong end of a right hook, I stepped in and pulled the injured boys father away from the the dumpy detective. By now everyone was on the phone to the police including lemon legs who was now trapped in her car. I gave up trying to get people to see sense after several vain attempts to get anyone to realise who the store detectives were, I eventually got through to one member of the vigilante group who looked puzzled and said, “oh, I thought they were mugging her” .. OMG!!! We gave up and went home after “ Another exciting day in Southsea.”
STRICTLY COME DANCING
This has been a daft event and one which only could have happened during a period of financial woe and I am sure that was gave the long running saga legs. Certainly John Sergeant was a terrible dancer and should have been booted off the series within a couple of weeks. But alas no, he stayed for nine weeks and saw off some much better dancers. However, this view is certainly not shared by a large number of people and it has managed to take up almost as much news print as the world financial crises. Anyway, at the end of the week he retired from the contest but alas my favourites are gone... such a shame, but I am glad he's out even if we wont see the lithe movements of his Russian dance partner!
Keeeep Watching!
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