Unfulfilled wishes

From about the age of 8 or 9 I was convinced I could play a musical instrument. I have no idea how I was possessed of this knowledge, but convinced I was.

My first encounter was when I announced that I wished to learn to play the violin and that there was a lady at school called Miss Fensome who would teach me. So, off I was taken to speak to Miss Fensome who assured my grandmother that she would indeed teach me but that I would need a violin before I could start. Well, somewhere along the way a small child sized violin was purchased and I in due course started my lessons. To say that I progressed would be a gross overstatement as in fairness I don't think I learned to play a single note correctly. In fact my playing, if that's what it could be called, was akin to the noise possibly made when strangling cats!

I, much to the relief of the family abandoned the violin and no doubt left a reasonable gap between my next foray into the world of music which occurred shortly after my 12^th birthday after joining the Army Cadet Force and seeing that they had a fine drum and fife band. "I want to play the bugle" I announced no doubt to the horror of the family again. I suppose what I really wanted was to wear the better uniform that the band were required to wear and of course without giving any thought to the effort that would be required on my part to blow the said instrument. I have to say that up to this time I had given very little thought to the need that I actually needed to learn to read music.

I presented myself to the bandmaster, Mr Baines and expressed my desire to join the band and, much to my pleasure he said I could join and that I could start that very week with a bugler to teach me. Well, I soon found I couldn't squeeze out a note and didn't even have a clue what the instructor was wanting me to when he said “No, not b flat, b sharp!”. He soon suggested that the "F" Flute (that is the note F) would more appropriate for me to learn. He no doubt wanted to rid himself of me and pass me on the next unsuspecting tutor. I am pleased to say though that I did actually learn a whole tune, it was the underlying theme to the Colonel Bogey march, but I only knew it from memory and would never be able to play another tune from the music sheets I was given as I was unable to grasp and retain the art of simply reading music!

Finally after much puffing and blowing I admitted I was unable to really cope and said I would not after all join the band. They must have been relieved is all I can think.

This was not the end of my musical aspirations however as when I suppose I must have been approaching 14 and had long forgotten the violin, bugle and flute but now I was going to learn to play the guitar I stated and it would be Burt Weedon who would teach me.

So, off we went again to an unsuspecting music shop, Selmars, in Charing Cross Road where I purchased a guitar and a lesson book to “teach yourself guitar in 2 weeks” by Burt Weedon. I think the salesman saw through this claim for he offered to teach me himself over the news theatre in his “studio”. This place of learning turned out to be a small bare boarded room about six feet square with a single unshaded bulb and a twin bar electric fire and a music stand.

I struggled along to these torture sessions each week, torture not for me but for the poor man who soon gave up with me and wrote down all the notes above the actual music plus small diagrams for each chord as still after five or six years I remained tone deaf and entirely unable to read music in any shape or form.

Once more the guitar was consigned to the “for sale” ads in the window of the local shop and I set off to join the army and never picked up a musical instrument again. Strangely I have often dreamt I can play the piano but I usually wake up as if from a nightmare if I have that dream but have not been tempted to suggest that we buy a piano.... I did let my daughter have piano lessons though so perhaps I was living that particular musical interest through her endeavours.

Ah what about singing, now that's a thought, shall I apply to go on Britains Got Talent?

No, perhaps not.