Some time ago I decided to request a copy of my Regular Army records so that I could use the information to help me write my book, “An Uneventful Soldier”.
So after providing the necessary identification I promptly forgot all about it and carried on with life as normal. Then one Saturday morning while lounging in bed with an early cup of tea I heard the thump of a large package come slumping through the letter box. On retrieving the large envelope I saw that at last my records had arrived.
Everything was there, my attestation papers, my interview results and the comments by recruitment officers together with their recommendations for my suitability for enlistment. It seemed that I was suitable for service in my chosen regiment, the Royal Army Ordnance Corps plus the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers ( I never knew about that!!). Additionally I would have been able to join any infantry or armoured regiment had I wished to do so.
Only very recently V and I were going through these various papers when I spotted some points that I had not really noticed in the past, that I was “very keen on rugby and football” and that among my hobbies and pastimes were, Army cadets, Photography and, yes…. “playing rugby and football”. OK, I don’t suppose that this sounds unusual for a 15 year old getting ready to enter Junior Leaders Training, as sport is a key element of military training and development.
What was unusual though must have been the sight of me standing before, first the Medical Officer and then the interviewing Selection Officer because here I was at a towering 5 feet 5 inches and weighing in at a massive 110 lbs squeaking the words “ I play rugby and football Sir”.
Imagine this conversation:-
Officer: Name?
Recruit: Bloggs Sir!
Officer: Why do you want to join the Army Bloggs?
Bloggs: To fight for my Queen and Country Sir.
Officer: Excellent Bloggs, Hmmmm, I see you have had your medical and you are 5 feet 5 inches tall and 110 pounds! Excellent!!
Bloggs: [Squeaking] Thank you Sir.
Officer: Do you play any sports Bloggs?
Bloggs: Oh yes sir, I play rugby and football for my school and for my county [squeaking even louder]
Officer: [Suppressing fits of laughter] Ah yes Bloggs a fine figure of a man! Perfect for the Infantry!
I won’t go on but God how they must have laughed after I left the room to await their verdict, I know I would have done so!
V and I read on, a few years had passed and I was now a towering 5 feet 6 inches tall and a whopping 124 lbs and still stating in my records at some stage “ I play rugby and football Sir” The truth was of course entirely different as I hated both sports and in fact excelled in Shooting which never seem to have been mentioned. I managed to avoid most completive sports (except bizarrely and terrifyingly boxing!!) by opting for cross country running, a solitary sport that we could conduct without interference or supervision!!
I was ultimately caught our when joining a new unit in Germany I was interviewed by my new Company Commander and in answer to the inevitable question, “and what sport do you do Corporal”? I answered “Squash Sir”. To my horror he replied, “Excellent corporal, I have been looking for an opponent for some time”.
One match later I was “outed” and placed properly in the shooting team where I stayed and did actually excel.
1 comment:
............ah yes joining the Army, now therein lies a tale of woe.
I have never had the courage to send for my records, I pass this off with a wave of the hand and a cursory ‘I know what is in them, I was there’...............
The truth is that now even all these years later that I may be found out as a fraud and someone, I don’t know who exactly, will turn up on my doorstep with a large and rather dusty file and tell me that my rapid rise to fame and fortune as member of the regular forces was all a mistake and that as a substantive WO 2 [CSM] at 29 was in fact all a huge mistake, that I served in one unit twice first as a private soldier the next nine years later as the CSM.
In my defence I can attribute my often shaky but none the less meteoric rise to some of the excellent comments placed upon my annual CR by intelligent observant and quick thinking reporting officers.
On his own initiative he has reorganised the unit map store; is one and still my all time favourite over the 25 years. It is however all these years later that I remember I was in fact the Unit Map Storeman.
This young NCO is always cheerful and carefree states another. Proving then as it does today how little I am aware of what goes on around me.
But the comment that always makes me smile was the following;
The SNCO does not appear to play any sports at all, many would say he is a career spectator but I believe he is more clever than that and fools us all, he is in fact a very clever supervisor, manager and leader just the sort of man we require as Warrant Officers in the Corps.
That fooled them then..........................
MAD
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