What is British and what is English?

There has been so much in the US press lately about Ssshhh… you know who, BP… I don’t want to shout in case the President is reading this.

Anyway, there has been so much said and there seems to be so little understanding about just who or what is British and who exactly is English.  Or come to that who owns BP and if its BRITISH Petroleum or what.  Just for the record BP has not been BRITISH for a long time. It is in fact 39% American and Britain some 40% owned, I think. BP also employees LOTS of Americans So, “BO” can’t point the finger at BRITAIN but at the workers who were on that rig!(who were American and from other companies OTHER THAN BP!!

OK, lets keep on track.  You Americans who read this I just want to explain a bit about the UK or Great Britain as it is also known and how it’s made up and it’s not ALL called England!!

First of all Her Majesty the Queen is the “Queen of The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland” and not just England.  The island of Britain which of course includes Scotland and Wales which also both countries in their own right that form the United Kingdom.

Culturally, whilst we are all similar in that we speak the same language (mostly) we are in fact quite different in many ways.  Just for the moment lets forget about the Scots hating the English, the English hating the Welsh (and vice versa) the Northern Irish hating the Irish in the Republic (forget the Republic for the moment also because it has nothing to do with England) and of course the Welsh hate everyone else – only joking!

Other ways you can tell up apart is that all those people from Scotland wear long skirts called Kilts(remember Braveheart and Mel Gibson … hmmm)  and all those people in Wales wear, not sure what, but that they often wear a leek in their lapels like a flower – for all my Welsh readers please remember I AM writing this for Americans!!

Now, the Irish, that’s our “British Irish” who will tell you they are Irish but also British and if you dare ask them why they don’t have a government in a place called Dublin, they will tear your ears off.  They will also tell you in no uncertain terms that they are BRITISH. Remember, NOT English!  OK, but be careful if you ask this same question of a “nationalist” person from Northern Ireland as they will probably tear your ears off too if you suggest that they have a government in Westminster – that’s in England by the way.

I hope you keeping up with me here?

Back to England again.  This country is made up of lots of different people including many thousands from Scotland, Wales and Ireland (both North AND South) and also many more thousands from the former Commonwealth and most of Europe.  To be fair it’s hard to find a true Englishman these days given the degree of inter marriage over between all the peoples of the British Isles, the Romans, Vikings, Normans and the Saxons over the centuries.  England, for simplicities sake, comprises 48 Counties which have quaint names like Cornwall (ooops, they don’t think they are English but we English ignore this), Bedfordshire and Sussex and many more.

Now look at this lovely map and see how all our little countries fit together!

Now just remember,  when you tell everyone how you “beat the English” in that war you had back around 1776, how small ENGLAND is…. so how easy was it to “beat” us? 

Now, at the top of the map is Scotland and these days Scotland has its own “Scottish Government” which released that mass murderer back to Libya. We in England didn’t do it. And don’t forget, the British Government can’t tell the Scottish one what to do because  Scotland is not a State (Like Alabama or New York or Texas) and Britain is NOT a federal state. Americans need to remember this if they are politicians and want to summon British politicians to give evidence in America.  Also remember its good if American political bodies provide evidence to “friendly fire” enquiries held in the UK in future,  then we may be more cooperative with you. 

Now, back to the map.  That bit of green with the little flag with a dragon on it, is Wales.  Wales is not IN England! There are lots of things about Wales that the English love.  Its hills and valleys and the cottages that are often for sale there at knockdown prices but for some reason though these cottages often mysteriously get burned down?

Now the Welsh have their own distinctive language which is spoken by many Welsh people but largely in the north and west of the country.  Wales is not a separate state as it is a “Principality” but it does aspire to a form of self government similar to Scotland. I am sure its more complicated than that so I apologise unreservedly to the Welsh for my over simplification of matters.  Other than that I don’t mind the Welsh until they start getting free medical prescriptions at the expense of the English tax payer!

I am exhausted and bored with this subject now and ask that any interested parties either drop me a line, post a comment or simply insult me in anyway you fancy if you feel offended in anyway by my description of your homeland or heritage.

Before I go, the map.  I have marked it up for you.  England has the flag of Saint George, Northern Ireland has the same flag but with a “red hand” on it which is very symbolic to “loyalist” Ulstermen.  Never question its presence without wearing your running shoes.

The next one is the Welsh Dragon, that’s easy – it’s Wales.  Then you have Scotland, the Saltire or Saint Andrews cross.  Don’t worry about that flag you can’t insult a Scot – but remember it’s always polite to say “that’s a nice English accent you have there Taffy, where are you from” …..

Finally, that little island tucked away between all those big islands that make up the UNITED KINGDON (or GREAT BRITAIN) is called the Isle of Man – and no, it’s not a gay enclave off the coast of Lancashire.  I am not sure what purpose the Isle of Man serves nor am I sure if they are English or not.  I have been there once and that time I did actually see a UFO!

I almost forgot, what IS an Englishman?

Try this:

The English (from Englisc) are a nation and ethnic group native to England, who speak English. The English identity as a people is of early medieval origin, when they were known in Old English as the Anglecynn.

Just putting on my body armour and helmet now and hunkering down to await the flak!