Just for Laughs

A SEASIDE resort popular with older visitors has introduced a new alcohol ban because of “Saga louts” who have been arriving in the town by the coach load this summer.

During the summer holidays scores of senior citizens who regularly descend on the Devon resort of Sidmouth possibly better known for The Manor Pavilion houses a small arts centre and a theatre that plays host to both amateur and professional productions. The town has only one cinema, which it is feared will become inundated with eager “Silver Surfers” seeking a place to shelter from the inclement weather. The Sidmouth seafront.

The red cliff and Salcombe Hill are also proving attractive to these throngs of ageing “Saga Louts” as they rampage about discarding partly eaten sandwiches and fruit “rescued” form their breakfast buffets at the many hotels that grace this little town..

Sidmouth has been a frequent winner of the Britain in Bloom awards but I fear that rampant bands of pensioners may be taking cuttings at a massive rate. The local MP has called for action to stop the resort being ruined by these oldersters who he said were behaving like “elderly saga yobs”. He highlighted problems caused by vandalism and all-night noisy parties and said over-age drinking and medication abuse appeared to be widespread - though there was no suggestion the latest visitors from the Portsmouth area were involved. Devon and Cornwall Police have been working with local people to make plans to “Kettle” larger groups of “Senior Citizens” who attempt to make camp or protest about poor service, the NHS, tax and most other issues that affect the over 60’s.

Additional groups of specialist police “snatch squads” have been drafted into the town and will ensure that after 6pm help points and rescue centres will be available for any distressed or disorientated Senior citizens who may find themselves on the wrong side of a half a pint of shandy or a port and lemon.

Happily this is all a load of tosh but I'd love to see it with the tag line REUTERS !!