B***** Cyclists!!!

There is not day that passes that I am not forced to step off the pavement to make way for a cyclist who seems hell bent of running me over! Why oh why do they have to do it I ask myself as I watch the latest teenage failed medical experiment hurtle towards me with a face taught with anger and aggression. Having said that the equally berserk Lycra clad so called "sports cyclist" seems also to be hell bent on scaring the living daylights out of any pedestrian who just happens to be in his way (I am not sure that the operation he had on his brain completely worked either). The growing number crazy,ignorant, crazed and plain stupid individuals who have taken to riding on pavements seems to be largely ignored by local authorities despite their attempt to provide swathes of cycling paths which I have yet to see a cyclist actually using! The police, as is often the cry, never seem to be there when the utter fool on a bike (pre-failed medical experiment and probably beyond hope) weaves in and out of the throngs who populate, on foot, yes on foot in the City precinct. I can almost hear the screaming going on his head as he inwardly shouts "get out of my ******* way you people on foot".

I have long wish to be carrying a large box that I have to swap from hand to hand due to its weight so that when one of these buffoons approach I can be deaf, daft and partially sighted and in my plight change hands and thus accidentally allow my large box to knock them flying from their bike! I of course would avoid injury and be the true victim of this needless "RTA", I would sue and claim several hundreds of pounds from the idiot who I would hope bore life long scars on his knees in testament to his anti-social behaviour.

Sadly though I will not have such luck but I do pray that the Police and the Council take more care and make some examples of these cycling thugs and make it a very public event in the process.

So you wonderful cyclists out there, take heed of these key points;

• I may not hear you approaching
• I may not be able to see you approaching
  
• I may be able to see and hear you but I may not be able to move fast enough to get out of your way
• I may have small children who can't get out of the way
• I may push you off your bike
• I may be a psychotic madman (some may already think that anyway)
  
• I may be a police officer
  

Well with all this in mind, happy cycling!