Meetings, Bloody Meetings!

Who remembers that training video that was put out by John Cleese Training?  It was very funny at the time and I recall that no matter how many times we were shown when working at IBM and in the years following with other employers, the number and duration of meetings NEVER went down!   I have sat in meetings wondering  why I was there, wondering what the meeting was about, sleeping at one time and even chairing a meeting I wasn’t able to stop!

When I retired I swore that I would avoid meetings and largely I have.  Except for the odd regimental association committee meeting that no one wanted to be at so progressed with great speed towards the nearest bar.

Now, it seems I have found my self involuntarily attending someone else's meetings and I am not even at work or in a workplace.  No, I am sitting or trying to find a seat in Costa’s Coffee where I live.  Most of the time finding a couple of free seats where we can enjoy our daily “Flat White” (with THREE shots of espresso) and doing the crossword is easy.  But often we have to both prevent queue jumpers dashing from the back of the queue by carefully interfering with their progress and snatching the seats away from them just in time.

The bad news is that once we have secured our seats we find ourselves next to a group (well at least two people and sometimes more) in the midst of a business meeting.  Laptop open, notes spread all over the table, intense and sincere looks on their eager faces and talking the talk.  Oh yes, invariably resplendent in a business suit, corporate ID slung around their necks, Cross pens glinting in the sunlight, if they are near the window, buzz words bursting from their lips like spittle!

I have had enough of the parade of Local Authority, Local Government, Local School Governors,  Salespeople, Arts and the theatre “luvvies” and heavens knows who else taking over the only place where you can get a decent drink of coffee!

I went as far as writing to both the Chief Executives of the County Council and the District Council about the matter and am sorry to report that only ONE had the good manners to reply in a prompt, constructive and conciliatory manner.  The one from the District Council simply ignored me.

I was thinking of asking Costa’s to make their Coffee shops “business meeting free areas” but I can’t see that they want to see a decline in their revenue based on the rants of me and I can’t say I blame them.  I even considered leaving small, neat and conveniently placed post it notes begging that those tempted to hold a “business meeting” in Costa’s, think twice and leave the business at work!

So the next time, any of you who may be reading this please, remember that the bloke looking over your shoulder or peeking at your minutes or jabbing a finger your at your laptop and demanding “scroll down scroll down”  will be me and you better have an status update by 09:00 the next morning!

Please please please, no more meetings in PUBLIC places! Costa’s is for COFFEE not for MEETINGS!

PS:  I did once and only once hold a meeting Costa’s coffee but I was very quiet and very discrete and took no notes!

Waste Recycling

I was encouraged to hear the news that the new Government has decided to drop plans to charge householders for recycling their rubbish.  There is also talk of some Local Authorities actually rewarding householders for the material that they may send for recycling and that this may include shopping vouchers etc.  This is all excellent news as we wont now feel compelled to recycle but actually recycle because we want to and collect an M&S Voucher on the way too!

These days we seem to recycle an enormous amount of newspaper and cardboard, much of which is from packaged food and tea bags.  We used to compost as well but now that we have a largely low maintenance garden we have little in the way of space or material to continue to do so. 

We are also fortunate to only have two “bins” for our waste.  A black household waste bin and a maroon recycle one that is just about large enough for us.  We have declined a green garden waste bin for pretty much the same reasons we are not composting these days.  So I feel we are doing about as much as we can in terms of waste disposal, except with glass which we have to take to a nearby collection point.  However, given that our glass collecting may take a long time I don’t think we are a problem in that respect.

However, I do have a major gripe about the few bone idle, lazy and anti-social residents of our estate who are guilty of leaving their bins sat in front of their houses, on the pavement, causing an obstruction from anyone having to negotiate the footpath.  This thoughtless practice is not only unsightly, it is a hindrance to mothers pushing prams as they can be forced into the road to avoid the offending obstruction.

Needless to say, at night, anyone returning from a night at the pub may find themselves victim to a wheelie bin collision!!  I suppose this could lead to a nice little earner in the way of compensation?

Why oh why don’t the Local Authority do something about this particular lazy habit and fine the culprits?

This leads me onto another little niggle I have about car parking.  Why oh why do the owners of cars around here who have a garage (either integral to their house ) AND a parking space  adjacent to the house of garage, insist on parking their car as near to the front of their house ON THE PAVEMENT?

This is not only against the law (as far as I recall) but it is another safety hazard to the walkers of this land.  Yet again it is just another example of lazy (if not stupid) inconsiderate, thoughtless and selfish people who do not consider the implications of their actions.

I pray that if we have a major fire here or a medical emergency that the Emergency Services are able to get their vehicles to the scene without hindrance.

Where was I? Oh yes, recycling.

Keep it up!

B***** Cyclists!!!

There is not day that passes that I am not forced to step off the pavement to make way for a cyclist who seems hell bent of running me over! Why oh why do they have to do it I ask myself as I watch the latest teenage failed medical experiment hurtle towards me with a face taught with anger and aggression. Having said that the equally berserk Lycra clad so called "sports cyclist" seems also to be hell bent on scaring the living daylights out of any pedestrian who just happens to be in his way (I am not sure that the operation he had on his brain completely worked either). The growing number crazy,ignorant, crazed and plain stupid individuals who have taken to riding on pavements seems to be largely ignored by local authorities despite their attempt to provide swathes of cycling paths which I have yet to see a cyclist actually using! The police, as is often the cry, never seem to be there when the utter fool on a bike (pre-failed medical experiment and probably beyond hope) weaves in and out of the throngs who populate, on foot, yes on foot in the City precinct. I can almost hear the screaming going on his head as he inwardly shouts "get out of my ******* way you people on foot".

I have long wish to be carrying a large box that I have to swap from hand to hand due to its weight so that when one of these buffoons approach I can be deaf, daft and partially sighted and in my plight change hands and thus accidentally allow my large box to knock them flying from their bike! I of course would avoid injury and be the true victim of this needless "RTA", I would sue and claim several hundreds of pounds from the idiot who I would hope bore life long scars on his knees in testament to his anti-social behaviour.

Sadly though I will not have such luck but I do pray that the Police and the Council take more care and make some examples of these cycling thugs and make it a very public event in the process.

So you wonderful cyclists out there, take heed of these key points;

• I may not hear you approaching
• I may not be able to see you approaching
  
• I may be able to see and hear you but I may not be able to move fast enough to get out of your way
• I may have small children who can't get out of the way
• I may push you off your bike
• I may be a psychotic madman (some may already think that anyway)
  
• I may be a police officer
  

Well with all this in mind, happy cycling!