Buxom Vixens?

Heavens only knows what happened to my hand writing skills in the last few years to make the reading of my notes such a revelation.  I used to have what I always thought was, a good hand, it was neat, legible and had a degree of style (well I am entitled to an opinion after all).  So last night when I picked up my notebook of "blogging thoughts" I was confronted by a list of scrawled hieroglyphics that even to my own eye I was having some difficulty recalling what I had actually noted down.

Here I list the three items in question, ready for this?

• Buxom Vixens sc
  
• bag pass like
• fbi let & george u/named

OK, I bet the CIA, MI5 [and six], the FBI and all the other agencies in the world would never get this list sorted out particularly as I wrote it and even I didn't know what I had meant in my mental state when ever it was I created this masterpiece of nonsense!  After some deliberation I saw the light!  I actually knew what is was I had meant and I had turned on the road to Damascus!  I was not thinking about the darker regions of the internet or the local burlesque dancer or even an episode of kids TV from the 80's but the reference to the FBI got me back in touch with reality, well my reality that is.  It all translated as the now obvious list below shows:-

• The Buena Vista Social Club
• Using our bus pass and taking a hike
• An FBI Letter and George;s letter unnamed
  

At last all was clear and I am now able to explain myself in a more sensible, if that can be true, manner.

Buena Vista Social Club - Portsmouth Guildhall

We bought tickets for this event at what seemed like hugely inflated prices but in our view well worth the money and set off for the Guildhall in Portsmouth not really expecting to find the throngs that were descending on the venue to see this remarkable Cuban band. 


However, all was not to be that easy as we had to estimate the duration of the concert and pay, on a Sunday, for the car park.  This in itself would have been easy had the place been better lit, fewer people trying to pay by mobile phone and not knowing what the hell they were doing and the general chaos that was the act of parking ones car.  Overcoming that and forking out £5 was achieved and we set off to take our seats in the stalls.

What a night we had of excellent music and singing from these legends of music.  I particularly liked the gyrations of the buxom young singer who accompanied the band (there you see, I was close in my choice of notes!!)

Bus Pass

Last week we used our free bus passes for the first time up until when I had vowed that I would never need it, had no intention of using buses with all those old people or with all those kids and sick people.  So I was wrong, OK??

We booked our car in for a repair which was in response to the vast array of warning light that lit up my dashboard on leaving the car park after our Buena Vista night.   Normally on these visits to the garage we borrow the firms van and take it down to Petersfield where we leave it prominently advertising LMK Vehicle Service Centre.  But on this occasion we decided that as a bus stopped right outside the Hampshire Hog pub just next to LMK we would take the bus and christen our passes.

Great, the bus turned up almost on time and we set off for the 10 minute trip into Petersfield on a bus entirely occupied by pensioners, my first "enemy".  A good number seemed to be suffering from all sorts of coughs and colds and provided fuel for my other phobia, "sick people" all that was missing were children so I was OK there.

We had a pleasant few hours in town, bought a large sweeping broom, had a good lunch and set off back to the garage by bus once more.  But this time we didn't know where the stop was for our garage.  We soon discovered that we had to alight at the Queen Elizabeth Country Park and make our way to the opposite side of the A3 which of course comprises four lanes of very fast moving traffic and no foot bridge.  After some animated debate about which direction to take once we had been tossed off the bus in the middle of no where we eventually agreed to take the road way from our destination (my brain was working overtime by now) and make our way under the A3 and then walk back on the opposite side of the road to the Hampshire Hog once more.  After what seemed like an hour and 50 mile hike we had encountered some lovely countryside, a small deer bounding out of a hedge in front of us and close encounters with some very fast moving cars.  But we arrived safely and none the worse for a couple of mile walk that only took us about 20 minutes.  We did it again a few days ago with a very sunny day and it was a pleasure to see the autumn trees in such colour.

 Only taken with my mobile I'm afraid so sorry about the quality.












A letter from America

Now I suppose you are expecting me to bang on about the loss of Alistair Cook (I know some of you wont have a clue who he was) or about to launch into a debate about the meaning of the words in the song by the Proclaimers, Letter from America.  Well no, I'm not!  But I am going to tell you about my letter from the FBI.  Let me quote some interesting parts of this rather long letter;-

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Attention Beneficiary,

 Dear Mr Bond

Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the past you have been transacting with some imposters and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Frank, Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some imposters claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation. THEY ACTUALLY POINT A FINGER AT OUR OLD PALS IN NIGERIA!

We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance that your payment totaling $6,100,000.00 be released to you via a custom pin based ATM card with a maximum withdrawal limit of $5,000 a day which is powered by Visa Card and can be used anywhere in the world were you see a Visa Card Logo on the Automatic Teller Machine (ATM). We have advised that this should be the only way at which you are to receive your payment because it’s more guaranteed, since over $5 billion was lost on fake check year 2008.

To redeem your fund you are hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on your behalf which will cost you $110 only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $110only.

Contact Information
Name: Dr Andrew Hall
Phone: +234 -12132294 or 011234 -12132294
Email: andrew_hall@yahoo.cn

THEN THERE WAS ALL THE USUAL STUFF TRYING TO COLLECT MY BANK DETAILS AND ANY OTHER PERSONAL INFORMATION (Which of course I sent them !!! )

After which the delivery of your ATM card will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any authority raising eyebrow.  PRICELESS BIT THIS!!!

I QUITE LIKE THIS LITTLE TOUCH: Once again we are so sure of you receiving your payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors.

 Thanks and hope to read from you soon.

 ROBERT S. MUELLER,

DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
TELEPHONE: 206-666-5283
FAX: 206-666-5283
 

I LOVED THIS THAT I HAVE MARKED IN RED

Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Dr Patrick Hofer of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it immediately.

Help stop cyber crime.

I have nothing more to add about this little scam other than to say that their English seems to have improved very slightly!!! 
Finally, I think my last item on Letters etc is worthy of it's own special place so I will leave that for a later update of my Blog.