Recently we decided that we would have to venture out of Sussex and go to Hampshire for a day and not only that, we would go to Southampton! So armed with passports, photographic ID in the form of Driving Licence and Bus pass, a first aid kit and survival pack to see us through the day and special rations.... OK, I exaggerate. We just went!
May be on your last, possibly enforced, excursion to the local and usually very large shopping mall you or your partner were accosted by one of those very enthusiastic and excited sales people asking if you had tried their range of cosmetics from the Dead Sea? No? Well we have on many more occasions than I can count on both two hands and these are hands that have been liberally drenched in their miracle product. Our particular wasted journey was to see if we could replace some broken tumblers and get some place mats that did not have edges that always inevitably caught the edge of our sleeves and sent showers of water or wine all over the place. I am sad to say that we managed to achieve neither objective but of course I managed to make some observations.
Back to our Dead Sea sales people then. It seem that at every shopping mall we have been to we inevitably meet a group of young Israeli sales people offering us these Dead Sea products which I have now managed to prevent the already smooth skinned and handed Mrs H from being snared by these ruthless young people with their slick patter. I fear that if I had not developed the ability to wrench her away at the same time telling the would be cosmetics person that we already posses all manner of unctions, ointments, potions and vats of asses milk to fill up the Dead Sea several times over.
Inner Space
After this futile visit to the West Quay shopping centre in Southampton we realised that we were both hungry and thirty and as Pret et Manger was close at hand we would dash in and grab a drink and sandwich. Having made our purchases we set off to sit down at one of the few spaces where there were seat for the two of us and seeing a row of three in a window we followed a woman to the seats expecting her to sit at one of other of the free ends thus leaving two seats together for us to sit. How wrong could we be! The cretin of a woman, no doubt suffering from some sort of rare OCD that prevented her sitting near anyone else to eat her sloppy sandwich and healthy fruit drink, sat sat right down in the middle of the three seats. (This rather reminded me of the joke men share about "toilet etiquette" - Men will understand this reference). She effected not to notice her act of pure evil or indeed not even to notice our presence at all in any way. In the event we had to occupy two seats that were fortunately vacated just as we were deliberating where else to sit ( I however was deliberating on how I could exact some kind of evil revenge of this gormless woman).
By way of recompense I treated myself to a raspberry Krispy Kreme doughnut!
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