Meetings, Bloody Meetings!

Who remembers that training video that was put out by John Cleese Training?  It was very funny at the time and I recall that no matter how many times we were shown when working at IBM and in the years following with other employers, the number and duration of meetings NEVER went down!   I have sat in meetings wondering  why I was there, wondering what the meeting was about, sleeping at one time and even chairing a meeting I wasn’t able to stop!

When I retired I swore that I would avoid meetings and largely I have.  Except for the odd regimental association committee meeting that no one wanted to be at so progressed with great speed towards the nearest bar.

Now, it seems I have found my self involuntarily attending someone else's meetings and I am not even at work or in a workplace.  No, I am sitting or trying to find a seat in Costa’s Coffee where I live.  Most of the time finding a couple of free seats where we can enjoy our daily “Flat White” (with THREE shots of espresso) and doing the crossword is easy.  But often we have to both prevent queue jumpers dashing from the back of the queue by carefully interfering with their progress and snatching the seats away from them just in time.

The bad news is that once we have secured our seats we find ourselves next to a group (well at least two people and sometimes more) in the midst of a business meeting.  Laptop open, notes spread all over the table, intense and sincere looks on their eager faces and talking the talk.  Oh yes, invariably resplendent in a business suit, corporate ID slung around their necks, Cross pens glinting in the sunlight, if they are near the window, buzz words bursting from their lips like spittle!

I have had enough of the parade of Local Authority, Local Government, Local School Governors,  Salespeople, Arts and the theatre “luvvies” and heavens knows who else taking over the only place where you can get a decent drink of coffee!

I went as far as writing to both the Chief Executives of the County Council and the District Council about the matter and am sorry to report that only ONE had the good manners to reply in a prompt, constructive and conciliatory manner.  The one from the District Council simply ignored me.

I was thinking of asking Costa’s to make their Coffee shops “business meeting free areas” but I can’t see that they want to see a decline in their revenue based on the rants of me and I can’t say I blame them.  I even considered leaving small, neat and conveniently placed post it notes begging that those tempted to hold a “business meeting” in Costa’s, think twice and leave the business at work!

So the next time, any of you who may be reading this please, remember that the bloke looking over your shoulder or peeking at your minutes or jabbing a finger your at your laptop and demanding “scroll down scroll down”  will be me and you better have an status update by 09:00 the next morning!

Please please please, no more meetings in PUBLIC places! Costa’s is for COFFEE not for MEETINGS!

PS:  I did once and only once hold a meeting Costa’s coffee but I was very quiet and very discrete and took no notes!